If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
