When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
