if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
