i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Pants are for mortals
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
