I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
