Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
