So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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