There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I cut my penus on the lid.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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