Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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