I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
