in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists