Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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