Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
