this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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