so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
