Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
