So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
