I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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