the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
