So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
