Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
