Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
