my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
