Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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