I wanna bring you to show and tell
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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