Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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