Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
