White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
