I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
