I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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