I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
