What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
