I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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