Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
