you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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