I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
