Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
