Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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