Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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