he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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