I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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