I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
