you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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