I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
