I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i will never coherently bang her
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
