We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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