this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i've created a new STD.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
