we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
