some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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