ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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