i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
