Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
