Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
