dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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