I'm so fucking centered right now
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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