he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The Olympian is in my bed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
