her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
