the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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