I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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