she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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