OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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