Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
