how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
