make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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