So drunk its hurt
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
