Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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