woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.