I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday