Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...

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  (310): My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one... http://tfl.nu/9s73
  Replies (6) Good night (606) Bad night (1073)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  "women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy

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  (201): "women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc (1-201): damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy http://tfl.nu/c3kq
  Replies (29) Good night (2599) Bad night (642)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Let me guess--your parents are cousins.

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  (337): Let me guess--your parents are cousins. http://tfl.nu/a2p5
  Replies (22) Good night (960) Bad night (4919)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.

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  (518): i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good. http://tfl.nu/b46x
  Replies (44) Good night (10101) Bad night (712)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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  (202): But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery." http://tfl.nu/8w5e
  Replies (11) Good night (1553) Bad night (4334)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.

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  (864): I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized. http://tfl.nu/3fi2
  Replies (7) Good night (1551) Bad night (2694)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.

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  (970): i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail. http://tfl.nu/p81z
  Replies (5) Good night (4746) Bad night (999)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...

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  (319): Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts... http://tfl.nu/b46l
  Replies (13) Good night (2014) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...

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  (267): Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket... http://tfl.nu/72dv
  Replies (4) Good night (968) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja

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  (973): She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja http://tfl.nu/0g6m
  Replies (9) Good night (1571) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.

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  (402): I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off. http://tfl.nu/dyhi
  Replies (2) Good night (1099) Bad night (863)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.

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  (303): Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent. http://tfl.nu/patp
  Replies (2) Good night (1021) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad

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  (650): The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad http://tfl.nu/ulr7
  Replies (7) Good night (680) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum

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  (916): What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum http://tfl.nu/f5r0
  Replies (7) Good night (805) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.

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  (+44): They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota. http://tfl.nu/vw9g
  Replies (3) Good night (970) Bad night (242)

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