I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
