He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is it penis luge time yet?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?