hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize