Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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