The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
