The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
