She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
