Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
