I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
