Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
