ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
