i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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