we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
